A Whole New Game- Chapter 23 -A Hunger Games Story

Chapter 23: Nothing Left to Lose



Athena

Beeeeep! Beeeeep! Beeeeep!

"You have got to be kidding me!" I hear Eleanor shriek. Suddenly, I see a pillow fly towards the alarm, though it continues its harsh blare. The lights switch on as they have every day for the past two weeks.

Instead of getting up, I just lie still, staring up at the ceiling.The tears that drenched me last night do not appear. It's as if my eyes have completely dried up. Sorrow is replaced with a hollow feeling, as if a hole is gaping through my chest. And I know exactly what is missing, or rather, who.

Samantha consumes my thoughts. I miss her more and more every day. She didn't have the red hair like my mother and I, but shared the same brown waves of my father. Her eyes, like mine, were green, but had flecks of yellow, almost like sparks.

Before my parents died, she was just my sister, but the more I took care of her, the more she became like my own child. My own child that was ripped away from me.

Eleanor is already up, and has already gone by the time I climb down from my ladder. As I enter the dining hall a few minutes later, I find that I am the last tribute to arrive. I glance over and see them all sitting quietly, poking at their food. Everyone except for Clove. Marvel continues to send wary glances toward the door, waiting for her.

It is obvious the moral in the District is low. We all receive pitying looks from the citizens. I walk over to get a tray of food. I must be distracted walking back to a table, as I suddenly clash into Eleanor, causing some of my food to spatter on the floor and some on her clothes, adding streaks of color to her gray shirt.

"Hey, watch it, Freak!" Eleanor snarls. She shoves me to the ground.

I bite my tongue, holding back several remarks. "Sorry." I get up and brush myself off. I don't want to cause anymore trouble than I already have.

"You don't sound very sorry," she taunts.

I try to ignore her and kneel down to pick up my tray, but she kicks it several feet away. She's in an especially bad mood, even for her. Something stirs inside me.

"Well I am," I say through gritted teeth. Anger continues to boil up in me, but I suppress it. I note that people are watching us now. "Just leave me alone."

"Or what? You think your so big and tough with that freakish arm of yours?"

My hand instinctively curls into a fist.

"Just leave her alone Eleanor, she didn't mean to run into you." I glance over and I am surprised to see that the voice belongs to Cato, seated at a nearby table as he gestures her back.

This only seems to make her angrier. "Oh, so now you're on the Freak's side?" She faces me again and gives me another shove.

"Come on Freak!" Again, another push. "I want a real apology." She shoves me a fourth time, and I slam into the wall.

The anger that I was suppressing bursts into rage. I grab Eleanor by the collar of her shirt with my prosthetic arm and whip her around so that she is the one against the wall, dangling at least two feet off the ground as I hold her by the throat.

She just stares back at me, shocked, nearly choking. I don't usually get easily offended-it takes a lot to really get to me. It may be just because of what has happened. I find myself angry with so many things, and Eleanor is just the final straw.

She dangles there, struggling to get down and coughing on her words. "Get.. me... down... you...little... bitch! ...Get me down or I'll-"

"Or what? you going to cut off my nose and carve your name in my face? We aren't in the Games anymore. I used to think it was just an act, but now I know you don't care about anyone.You may not care about any of the families, but I do. I didn't have to save your sorry ass back there in the hovercraft, but I did. Because like it or not, we are going to have to work together. So stop harassing me, or anyone else who doesn't deserve it. Because if anyone deserves it, it's you."

She just stares at me, anger burning in her greedy, azure eyes.

"I'm not afraid of you, Eleanor."

This, of course, is a lie. I am terrified, but more by myself than of her. I find myself liking the fact that I am the one with the power. All I'd have to do is flex my wrist and... I shake my head and snap out of it, horrified by my own thoughts.

I set her down. By now we have an audience of the entire cafeteria, with all of them silently fixated upon the heaping mass that is Eleanor or the raging one that is me. Cato is out of his seat, uncertain of what to do.The other tributes just stare open mouthed at us from their own tables.

I turn and quickly walk out of the dining hall, trying to avoid everyone's eyes. As soon as I leave the cafeteria, I find myself sprinting. I don't know where I am going, I just try to distance myself as far away from there as possible.

I finally slow down to a stop to catch my breath. I decide to go to the training room, seeing it printed next on my schedule anyway.

The trainers don't seem to mind as I pick up one of the hand guns and start shooting at the targets.The gun is awkward and heavy in my hands, especially my new one, but I start shooting anyway. After a few minutes, I find that I am a terrible shot.

"You're holding it all wrong," I hear someone say. It makes me jump, and my shot hits the wall behind the targets. I look to my right and see Katniss, picking up a gun. Suddenly, I'm back in the Games, and my first instinct is to disappear behind a tree, or cower behind a bush, but I shake it off.

She stands next to me and silently demonstrates how to hold it. After, she starts shooting at the targets, and hits right in the bulls-eye.

I copy her movements and fire. It doesn't hit dead center like hers, but it is better than what I was doing before. I glance over at Katniss, who is in deep concentration, firing away.

Out of all the tributes, Katniss scares me the most. It is not because she was excellent with a bow, or even the gun she holds in her hands, though that does make me uneasy, but rather because of her unfailing will. We had to watch all of the tributes be reaped, and I remember the look on Katniss' face when she took her sister's place. It wasn't anger, or despair. It was pure determination. From that moment I knew that she was the one to look out for. Not Cato, not Clove, not Eleanor, but Katniss Everdeen. I knew that she would stop at nothing to get back to her sister and would let no one stand in her way.

Me? I have a sister back home too, right? But I was selfish in the Games. Just waiting it out like I always do. But Katniss? Katniss took action and stood her ground. What did I do? Run and hide, as usual.

Katniss sets her gun down and turns to face me. I lower mine as well, uneasy. She scowls, like she is trying to say something, but doesn't want to say it.

"What you did back there, in the cafeteria." A pause. "It needed to be done." I think her finished, but she speaks again. "But what I don't understand is why did you just leave her there? You could have kicked her ass and no one would have questioned you. I mean, you said it yourself, she deserved it." She looks at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

"I don't know, she...just wasn't worth it." I shrug.

She gives me a disbelieving scoff and turns to start firing again. After another round I decide to ask her a question of my own.

"You don't like me very much, do you?"

It comes out more like a statement. It's true though. This would be the first conversation I have ever had with the Girl on Fire. And other than Peeta or Rue, she talks to no one else.

"I never said that," she responds thinly. A bullet through the forehead. The target dummy would be dead now.

"I don't care if you do or don't, I just want to know why."

"Because I don't trust you. Or any of the tributes for that matter. Until a couple of weeks ago we were all trying to kill each other, remember?"

As if I could forget.

"Yes, but we aren't in the Games anymore, Katniss. We are in something far worse. War. But instead of fighting against each other, we are on the same team this time."

"...What does have to do with me?" she asks.

"It has to do with everyone. If we can't trust each other how will we win this thing? We don't have a choice: we either to work together, or we die."

"Why are you telling only me this? Why don't you just go and tell all the tributes?"

"Because they won't listen to me." She starts to argue, but I cut her off. "You know it's true.They barely know I exist."

"What makes you think I'm listening?"

I sigh. "Because you're not stupid.You know I'm right, even though you don't like it."

She scowls, but I know she agrees with me. She just nods, and fires one last bullet at the target, hitting it dead center in the throat. Instant death.

"Why do you care so much? About us working as a team?" she asks, quieter this time.

It takes me a minute to answer. "Well, like everyone else, I have someone I love that the Capitol took away from me. I just figured I can't get her back alone. I doubt any of us can."

She takes time to think about this. I start firing my own gun at the targets and finally manage to hit the bulls-eye.

"You asked me if I liked you," she says as I lower my arm after a bit. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but I do respect you. And- well, thank you... For saving us back there on the hovercraft."

"I- um, your welco-"

"But I still don't trust you," she cuts me off. She sets her gun down and leaves the training room without another word.

For a moment, I don't know what to think. But something like relief seems to fill me. If I have Katniss on my side, I am one step closer to holding Samantha in my arms once again.





Katniss





I follow the small herd of tributes to the meeting room, nudging my way through them so that I don't get stuck in the back. I make sure to "accidentally" step on Eleanor's foot who follows up with an extensive list of vulgarities. I ignore her threats and continue moving. I'm not quite sure what we are going to be told, so I am nervous. But I try my hardest to look strong and brave among the other tributes. Some of the tributes, like Marvel and Athena, fidget uncomfortably while their eyes dart around the hallway. Others like Cato remain perfectly stoic and don't give away a hint of their emotion. As I try to navigate around Cato, Gale gestures to a room, opens the door, and enters a room filled with dusty old chairs that surround a long, narrow table.

After we shuffle in, Gale instructs us to take a seat. I reach for a chair to sit down in, but before I can, Eleanor shoves me to the ground and takes the chair. Peeta rushes to help me up, but I stand before he can. I don't want his help. All it will do is make me look weak.

"What's the problem fire girl?" Eleanor taunts, substantially more obnoxious than usual.

"You're a bitch. That's my problem." I retort snidely.

To this Eleanor shoots up. I have a theory that she is probably looking for any excuse to fight, especially after the incident with Athena. Before she can make a move however, I decide to say a few words. "Oh just sit back down. Can you manage that? Or should I get Athena to put you in your place?"

At this her face turns bright red with rage. Her fists curl tightly to the point where they are completely white. She looks like she is about to explode, but after a wary glance towards Athena she sits down.

I turn away and walk to another chair on the opposite side of the room between Athena and Marvel. After everyone settles down, Gale proceeds to the front of the room.

"What the hell are you wasting my time for Hawthorne?" Eleanor spits, still seething in rage.

Gale disregards Eleanor, like many of us do now, and begins to inform us. "As we all know, the Capitol has captured your families." As he says families, he and I make eye contact. I know what he is thinking. Prim. "And we need to get them back. The Rebellion will agree to do so, but we have to ask a favor of you. We need you to be the face of The Rebellion. I mean, what's a better sign of strength than a group who all survived the Hunger Games and directly disobeyed the Capitol?"

"Wait, what do you mean 'the face of the Rebellion'?" Marvel asks. I note that Clove is missing from his side. Maybe that's why he is so jumpy.

"You would have to officially declare yourself loyal to the Rebellion. However, once you join us, there is no going back. You will be trained like a soldier and treated as such, though I can assure you you will all have, ah, special privileges. Coin herself has openly declared war against the Capitol. Most of the Districts have sided with the Rebels, but we need you if we want to stand a chance." Gale says. This is exactly what Athena was talking about earlier.

"You must be completely out of your god damned mind if you think I am going to let you broadcast my face. It's a death sentence," Eleanor jeers.

"Yeah, I don't know about this," I hear Cato say.

I glance over at Athena. "Wait a minute. It's actually not such a bad idea. I mean think about it. This would be the perfect way to show everyone that the Capitol isn't completely in control. We could be the ones to ignite the fire in the Districts." I meet eyes with all the tributes to try and gain their support. Some fidget uncomfortably and try to avoid my gaze. There is a long moment of silence before Eleanor scoffs and responds.

"Why should we listen to a scrawny attention whore from 12?" I have to use all of my strength to not leap across the table and strangle her. I clench my jaw and speak through gritted teeth.

"I know we barely know each other, let alone like each other. But it's not about us anymore. Hell, it's never been about us. We don't stand a chance against the Capitol on our own. We don't stand a chance on rescuing our families on our own. We need to work together no matter how much we hate each other. Now, I don't know how many of you guys are willing to fight for our freedom and our families. But I most certainly am."

I stand by myself as the gazes of the tributes burn into me. Athena nods toward me and stands to join me. I place my hand on her shoulder to show unity. Soon after, Peeta timidly makes his way up to stand beside us, slipping his hand into my other. He is followed by Marvel and Cato. As soon as Cato, stands so does Eleanor. As we stand here, I feel the energy and adrenaline coursing through our veins passing from one of us to another. In this moment, I feel strong, courageous, and for once, like a leader. I almost trust them. All of them.

Well, except Eleanor.





Eleanor



Cato, Cato is the only reason I joined this pathetic excuse of an army yesterday. Well, maybe not the only reason.

It has a little to do with my dad. Let's just call it...payback, for all of those years he was never there for me. I can see the headlines now. "Beloved mayor's daughter joins the Rebellion." Maybe it will even get him fired. That will teach him to think twice about neglecting me.

The other reason I signed my own death sentence is because, obviously, I need more respect. First Neanderthal, the Bitch Queen, then Freak, and now that slut from 12? Hell no! What happened to Eleanor, the girl who sends instills panic in the hearts of even the boldest? If I have to join this stupid Rebellion to become that girl again, then fine. So be it. And besides, I didn't spend my life of training for these Games, only to let my skills go to waste.

I also get a feeling that I don't really have a choice. That Coin lady looked like she could melt your soul just by looking at it- not that I couldn't take her.

And of course, there is Cato. Even though he was upset with me the other night, I still love him. Where ever he goes, I go. I only hope he is forgiving.

At the moment, he walks ahead of me to the weapons room. We had been called, once again to a meeting. Another damn meeting. What it's about, I haven't the faintest idea. But the fact that it is being held in the Weapons Room puts a smile on my face.

I quickly catch up to Cato's side. I timidly sneak my hand into his, unsteadily. He looks at me and then at our hands and gives a small sigh.

"Cato, look, I'm sorry about the other nigh," I whisper. "You're right, I don't understand, and I'm sorry if I was insensitive. And I am sorry about Carver, I didn't know you and him were close." Like I care. "And I'm sorry... for what I said about... Clove," I manage to choke out. I desperately search his eyes for an answer.

Did he buy it?

He sighs again. "It's alright Eleanor." I want him to say more, or for him to pull me close to him, but he continues to just hold my hand.

We walk in silence until we reach the Weapons Room. Inside is an enormous room with tables scattered at random. I grin as I see a multitude of deadly weapons hanging on the walls with various targets hanging up. It has everything from knives the size of my pinky, to guns that are more like cannons. I catch Cato's eye and I see a wicked grin forming on his lips.

Neanderthal is already here, along with the Freak, and the small dark girl from 11, Rue. They all sit at a table at the far end of the room and stare nervously at the weapons. Cato and I walk over to sit at the table, and Rue, who had been looking in the other direction, nearly jumps when she realizes who we are.

This gives me some satisfaction. At least I'm feared a little. Yeah, by the weak, mocks my head voice. Soon we are joined by Peeta and Katniss. We all sit awkwardly in silence until Beetee walks up with General Hawthorne, or Gale. Whatever his name is. Beetee holds several small wires in his hands and wears glasses thick enough to be bulletproof. Gale stands with a clipboard in hand.

"Thank you for joining us today tributes. My name is Beetee." I remember Beetee,  a former victor. He won the Games forever ago with a single coil of wire. A cowardice victory. But nonetheless, a victory.

He clears his throat. "Welcome, everyone. My name is Beetee. Glad to see you all here. Today we..." He doesn't finish. Instead, he stares intently at the blue and red wires in his hands, twisting and tying them.

Gale doesn't even look up from his clipboard. "Beetee, you were saying..."

"Oh yes! As I was saying, I have developed weapons for each of you. Normal soldiers have standard weaponry, but because you are, er, special, I thought you might want something unique."

"What do you mean unique?" Katniss asks.

"Well," Gale speaks up, "For instance, Katniss, these are yours." He turns around to a table behind them and picks up a dark metallic bow, along with a sheath of two dozen arrows. He hands it to her. "We came up with a specialized bow that only responds to your touch."

Her eyes grow wide as she examines it. "This is perfectly balanced, and the sheen is amazing, and...it's humming, why is it humming?" She picks up a few of the arrows, which have different colored feathers. "Why are they different colors?"

"Gale helped me with that one actually," Beetee intervenes. "He told me that you were pretty handy with a bow. The different colors represent the different kind of arrows. There are eight red arrows. The red means that they are explosive or will explode on impact. The blue are smoke bombs in case you need a distraction, or cover. There are four of those. And there are twelve black ones which are just regular arrows, but have been a bit areodinamically enhanced."

Katniss examines the bow like a child would a new toy. All wide eyes and smiles.

"The bow also increases your accuracy. As you may know, even a shaky breath can completely change the direction of the arrow's path. That humming you feel counters trivial movements so that you can have a steady shot," Beetee explains. I become more interested in the bow myself.

"The bow will respond only to your touch. When you are not using the bow simply say 'Goodnight' and it will return back to normal. All of your weapons will do that."

"This is incredible!" Katniss exclaims.

The rest of the tributes squirm anxiously as Beete explains. If she has a bow like this, I wonder what my weapon is.

"So where's mine?" I ask eagerly.

Beetee looks at me warily. "Oh, no bow for you, deary. You've got a trident." Gale reaches back to the table, and hands me a golden trident as tall as I am. The three points gleam in the light. I remember training with these back in Four. The trident could be used for fishing, but is as deadly to people as it is to trout. It's a cliché weapon for District Four, but hey, what the hell? It fits perfectly in my hand and I swing it around gracefully. Like Katniss' bow, it too is perfectly balanced, and hums as I touch it.

"So what can it do?" I ask eagerly.

Beetee beams, the proud smile of an inventor finally seeing his product to use. "Your trident can, as well as being razor sharp, conduct electricity. You control the voltage through that little switch in the handle," he says, gesturing to it.

"Well, this whole thing is made of gold. Won't it electrocute me?" I ask uncertainly.

"It is perfectly safe, I assure you," Beetee says unconvincingly. "Just don't touch the tips. Now there is also a self destruct button, so to speak. If you find yourself in a tight spot, or no longer in need of the weapon, simply say 'The End' and it. The trident will explode on impact."

"This is fantastic!" I eagerly examine my new scepter, pouring over every detail. It has a strange engraving of a bird, but other than that, I love it.

Beetee goes on, giving the other tributes their weapons. Freak already her weird prosthetic arm thing, and they evidently decide that that is enough, for she receives nothing. Ha. Peeta has some camouflage suit that virtually makes him invisible. Rue gets a wing suit that would allow her to glide from high places and land safely, like a little bird. Cato ends up with the deadliest looking gun on the planet, that comes with a devastating looking sword attached, almost like a bayonet. Neanderthal gets spears that compacts easily enough to fit into his pocket, and I can't help but be slightly jealous as they give him my weapon of choice. His spears have different abilities, like Katniss'. Some have retractable heads, some are explosive, and some have a spear head on one tip, and a sword edge on the end.

"Where's Clove?" Cato asks, suddenly noticing her absence. A moment of anger flares up inside me.

"She's still really upset," Marvel retorts somberly.

"Oh yes," Beetee says sadly. He takes a shaky breath, like he's attempting to steady his breath.  "That is understandable. General Joudaire...." He pauses for a moment, then decides otherwise, as if finishing it might upset him further. "Clove can pick up her weapons later."

Beetee picks up a jacket. "As I recall, she has a special gift with knives." He unzips the jacket with his frail hands. Inside are dozens of slots, all of them fitted with a small throwing knife.

"They're long distance, perfectly balanced. There are a few red one that are explosive and the oddly shaped ones are able to curve around corners."

"I'll take them to her," Marvel speaks up. I roll my eyes. Do us all a favor and don't hesitate to slit your throat on the way there, buddy.

"All of you will also have a standard military gun with you at all times, as well as the specialized weapons, so you won't be defenseless if something happens to your weapon," Gale informs us. "So you will be training with other soldiers as well as with me."

"Who are you to train us?" I ask snidely. I was very aware that this was a General, but he was only a year or two older, if not the same age as some. Why should we be taking orders from him?

"Mr. Hawthorne happened to help make all of these utilities. Not to mention he is one of the best soldiers to ever train here in District Thirteen."

"Really?" Katniss asks.

"Why are you so surprised?" Gale asks sourly. "Haven't I been telling you all of these years that the Capitol has to be stopped?"

"Well, yes, but-" Katniss begins.

"I may not be some famous tribute," Gale interrupts, "But at least I'll fight until I have nothing left." The last part sounds personal, only to Katniss.

"Well," Beetee interjects, "just be sure not to lose them between now and tomorrow for training. We'll give you all at least a week to get accustomed to them, and then...Capitol."

That word sends everyone still for a moment. Everyone but me. I bounce with excitement.

Capitol scum, here I come.





Clove





He's dead.

He's dead.

He's dead.

They killed him. He's gone.

No matter how many different ways I say it, each hits harder and harder. If I wasn't bent on destroying the Capitol and killing Snow before, I sure as hell am now.They have taken everything.The last person on earth that I was sure would never leave me, and he's gone.

I am the last Jourdaire.Though I intend to make the name a legacy. After all, you can't forget someone who brought down a nation.

Which is exactly what I intend to do, even if it kills me.

For Carver.

"Clove?" It's been three days since we escaped the hovercraft, though this was the first that I had left the black abyss of my room since we had returned to District 13. I had finally decided to crawl out my room for dinner tonight, but found my appetite absent upon my arrival. I have yet to eat since the attack, and the hollowing and paling of my skin only makes the dark circles branded under my eyes all the more evident. My fingers have grown thin and sickly, like giant albino spider legs, and they shrivel at the softest touch of warm skin as Marvel reaches over to me from across the cafeteria table.

"Clove, come on.You've got to eat something."

My voice is a coarse whisper, like a hiss of steam. "Not hungry."

"Clove."

I don't look up. Our craft had been hit while escaping, and I had gripped Marvel so tight I had left scratch marks and broken the skin, though it was from devastation, not fear. I scan his arms, noticing the pale scars of fingernails from my own hands and decide it would be best to not make eye contact. Probably ever again.

"Clove, come on. Please."

He leans over, setting one of his giant hands atop my shoulder, the way he might a pet a small animal. I wince. He's so warm-his touch feels like an iron to a sunburn. He finds a lock of hair, one of the longer stands, and twirls is around his finger as though it were made of black gold.

"I don't know if anyone told you yet, but they have officially declared war on Capitol now.We...they know we're not dead. All the Districts."

I scoff. Isn't that just the icing on the cake? Wait until one of the highest officials dies before they actually even alert the world of his existence and his cause. It's exactly what Coin would do.

Carver had told me stories. She was a vile, cruel woman, with a heart as hard as the concrete on which she stood. She had been kind once, a long time ago, but over the years futile attempts and failed missions and dying comrades had solidified her emotions into a constant state of angst and bitterness. And of course she had to be the leader. Not Carver, not Finnick, not even Beetee, but her. The one person who couldn't care less.

"Wonderful. Now the we can take the world down with us."

Marvel winces at my harsh response, twiddling his fingers nervously. "Clove....there's something else you should know.They want us all, the tributes I mean, well...they want us to lead this whole thing.To be the front-runners." He takes an unsteady breath. "Clove, they want us to go to the Capitol."

I don't respond. No need. I had seen this coming. I just don't care anymore.

"...They gave us all special personalized weapons." He tosses something onto the tabletop. "Those are for you."

I reach across, and find myself holding a set of jacket, the fabric seemingly composed of throwing knives, like the kind we had in the arena and the Career Academy. Only, these glint with a metal I have never seen; a sapphire-bronze luster to the blades.They feel strangely weighted as I pick one up. Strange, unfamiliar, but better. I can already tell these will fly farther than anything in the Academy, probably hit harder too.

"Long distance and curving. 'Couple are explosive too." He sighs, a timid exhaust of shaky breath. "...You know what this means right?"

"...Yes."

His breath quiets a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice is timid and coarse. "...Clove...I don't want to go in there. I don't want to die. I have so much still to. I don't want to....I can't...," he heaves, as if frustrated with himself. "I still need...want...You and I..." and he trails off, but his eyes flash up to me.

You and I what? Have kissed twice? Does that make us a couple? No. And something just...comes over me. I am done with this. I don't want anything or anyone. I am so sick of attaching myself to people I will know will just end up being taken away from me or hurting me. I am finished with being broken.

"Look Marvel, whatever this is, it needs to stop."

He seems taken aback, confused and painted a heartbreaking hue of baffled. "What? You mean...y-you mean...us?

"Yes," I heave. "Look it's just...it's not going to work out, whatever this is.We both know that. I just...I can't anymore, okay?"

Even as I say it, I know it comes out wrong. So much harsher than I mean it.

"Marvel..."

If he has ever looked more hurt or devastated, I have yet to see it.

"N-no. I get it," his voice cracks. "I guess I should of expected this, right? I mean, it's not like I ever really, had a chance. I should have known it was too good to be true."

Shit.

"Marvel I-"

"No, don't." He stands, and I know for a fact that I catch the glint of a tear stain scrape his cheek. "I'll leave you alone.You should talk to Cato. He's been looking for you. I know...I know he really...misses you. I'm sure you're anxious to get back to him. I mean who wouldn't be, right?" He chokes back what sounds like a hiccup, or a sob. "I-I'm sorry."

And he stands up and strides out of the cafeteria without another word, or another glance back.

And I bury my head in my hands and feel the cold tips of my fingers brush my ears, the sinking feeling in my stomach continuing all the way to the chipped nails of my toes. God, how do I manage to always screw things up? Just when I have something good, I forget its value and send it packing. And now it's him. The poor lanky boy from District One. Sweet, gentle, and so unimaginably...marvelous.

I heave.

At least I can look at it this way: I have nothing left to lose.



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